a lot of things.
people who play favorites.
players.
fakeness.
fake people.
people who think theyre the ish.
people who make me feel like CRAP.
people who make me think im a bad person
people who let their anger with me out on me by making me miserable.
people who piss me off.

i dislike a lot of things. but as i write this, i am COMPLETELY enraged. i wish i could specify, but that would entail calling out a certain individual. and i really dont feel like doing that. cuz then it'll lead to more drama, WHICH I DON'T FEEL LIKE PUTTING UP WITH. like really. it's just that i wish i could do something to make them think a little bit higher of me.  but like, it seems as if they're punishing me by making me so damn miserable. and i don't even know why they're punishing me. i'd say it was the argument i got into with them a while back but that was a WHILE back. like its been months already. but like, they're still managing to come off as the biggest expletive ive ever encountered. and i REALLY wish i could vent to someone, but the people i want to vent to probably would not understand my predicament. i mean i commend them for being able to look at a situation from both sides of the fence, but i just need them to take my side for a second cuz i really need some comfort right about now. it's been hard to find comfort. i always vent to God by talking to myself. I know that He hears me. and He's helped me through a lot. but i havent been able to get myself to talk to Him lately. i really don't know why. and what i'm guessing is it's because i really wanna hear someone else's voice. but back to what i was talking about before. i really don't know why they're doing this to me. they KNOW how much i wanted this. i even told them when they asked, "how much do you want this, ian?" PLEASE stop teasing me with those promises if you're not even gonna think of giving them to me. you gave it to someone who could care less if he got it or not. i couldve worked harder if i got it. i would've made you think that i really did deserve it. but i don't know what you want from me anymore. it's as if all the hard work that i'm already doing isn't enough. what the hell do you want from me? like i don't know what to do. i want them to stop punishing me and making me miserable like this like. idk anymore. it's things like this that make me wanna blow up in your face whenever i see you. like, how stupid can you be? how much of an expletive can you be? oh. you think you're hot stuff and that you think that NO ONE will mess with you, cuz your head is just THAT blown up. WELL NEWS FLASH NIGGA. everyone wants to scream expletives in your face. one person already did, i'm just waiting for the day when i can do the same. i don't know what you want from me. but PLEASE don't refrain from telling me, cuz holding it back from me will just crap to hit the fan. and you really wouldn't want this at a time like this, would you?

-ianurbina.

    hey, it's ian. i know we weren't too close or anything but, im REALLY gonna miss you man. only God knew it was your time. I really am gonna miss having you around whenever i see rhythmology or the estradas. you completed the picture in a lot of occasions. you were a really good bballer and dancer and you were one of a kind. and i REALLY wish i could say more. right now, i'm at a total loss for words. i truly cannot believe it. i'm gonna miss you man. watch over us and be our guardian angel, ok?

                                                with love,
                                                      ianurbina.